27 Epically Bad Bridesmaid Dresses

A few months back my best friends asked me to be their maid of honor. I haven’t had a carb since.

For anyone who’s been a bridesmaid, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you how excruciating the process of finding a bridesmaid dress can be. And for those who have yet to be a bridesmaid, just wait. Soon it will be your turn and you will curse every dress shop you encounter and wonder why they all insist on shitty lighting and an endless supply of battery clamps.

Following are some of the most dreadful bridesmaids I came across in the search for something to wear on my friend’s special day. Had she decided on one of these I would have seriously needed to reconsider our friendship.

1. The Space Dress

gypsy weddings, bridesmaid dresses
TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

If you ever wanted to know what to wear to a wedding in space, this is it. Usually, you buy a bridesmaid dress knowing you are only going to wear it once. Not this dress. You can use it to cover your Thanksgiving turkey, it can double as a space blanket for your kid’s emergency kit at school, OR you can wear it to formal night at the Great Alaskan Bush Company.

2. The Interior Decorator Dress

bridesmaid dresses
hillsweddingdresses.com

I’m all about upcycling. Without it, several sets of motel curtains from the 70s would have died without having the opportunity to dress a bridal party. The added flowers just show how important it is to accessorize.

3. The Wet Seal Dress

thegloss.com

This bride was thinking way ahead about her wedding. I’m fairly certain she purchased this bridesmaid dress from Wet Seal in 1992. In elementary school I bought a pair of shorts from there that would have matched this dress perfectly. I used to wear them with my OP surf shirts. I loved those shorts.

4. The Sorority Stripper Dress

thegloss.com

Why go to a strip club for the bachelor party when the wedding is the bachelor party? They should have made their bouquets out of dollar bills.

5. The Girl on Fire Dress

ugly bridesmaid dresses
slightlywarped.com

Bridesmaid: Have you decided on what your wedding colors are going to be?

Bride: Yes. Fire.

6. The Best in Show Dress

ugly bridesmaid dresses
TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

I love Gypsies. Like, really love Gypsies. They’ve got this whole wedding thing down. Their ultimate design goal is emulate a Standard Poodle and I can see why. That’s a good looking dog. Every year, Gypsy dress designers attend the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show looking for inspiration.

7. The Undressed Dress

ugly bridesmaid dresses
slightlywarped.com

This is my kind of wedding. Think of all the money these ladies saved on buying dresses. They just threw on some panties and a bustier and called it a day. They didn’t even have to do their hair because they are surely wearing wigs. Unfortunately, it’s a little late for me to suggest this to my friends who are getting married but the next time I’m asked to take part in a wedding, you can be sure I will be suggesting this outfit.

8. The Halftime Dress

ugly bridesmaid dresses
TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

What you don’t know about these bridesmaid dresses is that the skirts come off so they can play in the Lingerie Bowl after the nuptials.

9. The Pink & Black Swan Dress

ugly bridesmaid dresses
TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

The bride was going for a Moonlight Bunny Ranch/ballerina look and I think she succeeded.

10. The “I’m Totally Ready for Marriage, Ma” Dress

slightlywarped.com

This is what happens when you get married in high school and buy your dresses from Forever 21. Klassy.

11. The Poolside Cabana Dress

slightlywarped.com

These dresses are cute. I have one just like it that I wear to the pool.

12. The Wild West  Dress

slightlywarped.com

Nothing says western saloon-style wedding like misshaped off-the-shoulder bustiers. For the encore, the bridesmaids will be dancing the can-can then going upstairs with the highest bidder.

13. The Barbie Princess Dress

TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

This is what happens when you let a six-year-old girl plan your wedding.

14. The Fairy Dress

onewed.com

Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney cartoon. I used to make a pint of vodka tonic and watch it over and over with my friend’s little girl when I came to visit. Not once did I find the fairy godmothers as inspiration for my wedding party. The same can’t be said for this bride.

15. Showgirls: The Movie Dress

onewed.com

Yay, more strippers! If you start with the minor on the far right and move left you can actually see the progression from adolescence into adult stripper hood. All she need do is look at the girls in front of her to see her future. Nice Converse.

16. Lost: The Dress

TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

This bridesmaid forgot to finish getting dressed.

17. Sister Wives: The Golden Years Dress

rantchic.com

These women are very mature for their age. They seem to be under the impression that they are all 70. And they’re all married to the same man.

18: The Sword in the Stone Dress

roflrazzi.cheezburger.com

What you don’t see in this picture is a giant boulder with a sword sticking out of it.

19. The Hunting Dress

roflrazzi.cheezburger.com

Rednecks are almost as awesome as Gypsies when it comes to weddings. They’re the only ones I know of who can combine bright orange and camouflage into a dress and rock it. But the purpose of these dresses is two-fold; not only do they work as bridesmaid dresses but they also don’t have to worry about getting shot. It’s a win-win.

20. The Granny Dress

roflrazzi.cheezburger.com

My grandmother has a nightgown that looks just like this. She likes to wear it whenever my sister goes over to give her a biannual perm.

21. The Butterfly Dress

alyceparis.com

More fairies! This is exactly what I’d picture a hippy Wiccan wedding to look like. They’re even wearing wings! My inner 15-year-old wants to be in this wedding. Then she wants to go watch My So Called Life. I will always love you, Jared Leto!

22. The Keychain Dress

wendylady2.livejournal.com

You know what makes this bridesmaid’s outfit? It’s not the black denim pants. Nor is it the leopard crop tank. It’s absolutely, 100%, the stuffed animal keychain hanging from her belt loop. She probably didn’t have a date and needed to keep her keys somewhere. Nobody wants to lose their keys in the woods.

23. The Motorcycle-Mama-Dress-That-Isn’t-Actually-a-Dress Dress

wendylady2.livejournal.com

I like how the bridesmaid’s leather chaps are framing her camel toe. You know what’s sexy about camel toe? Nothing.

24. The Highlighter Dress

weddingdaily.org

These bridesmaids colored their dresses with a highlighter. Fun! This wedding was sponsored by Office Depot and Sharpie.

25. The Multifunctional Dress

hillsweddingdresses.com

When there’s a 100 percent chance of rain for the day of your wedding, the only logical thing to do is turn your raincoat into a dress and add some galoshes. It’s practical yet fashionable.

26. The Flower Vomit Dress

eugeneweddingplanning.com

On the surface this may seem like a cute idea. But really it’s not. This is what it would like if Rainbow Brite threw up. There’s way too much going on here. If I were hungover, which is often, I wouldn’t even be able to look at this picture without becoming violently ill.

27. The Alaskan Night Sky Dress

TLC: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

Wedding theme: aurora borealis.

Now if you’ll kindly excuse me, I need to go find my friend and kiss her for not making me wear something out of a Tim Burton movie.

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